How to Deal with the Proud, Selfish and Foolish!

Adedayo Charles Kunle (ACK)

Pride is a weakness that destroys self. The carrier of pride is self, the victim of pride is also self. The same way the owner of bad manners is self and the victim is self.

It is like a bad disease, when you are inflicted with it, it keeps eating up the affected part until it gets into your entire body system and eventually kills the whole body.

I have come across people who want you to be the way they are, they want you to share their negative moods, and they don’t see any reason why you should be happy when they are not. It doesn’t matter whether you live in the same room with them, or you live across the street, once they see you, they become unhappy, don’t be carried away by their greetings and well wishes, they most of the time, don’t mean well.

Because of selfish nature of man, most humans with negative behaviors want others to be affected by their own negative attitude towards life. They are not complete unless they have made someone else sad.

They want you to be sad when they are sad, and in fact want you to be unhappy in their short moments of happiness. All of their anger is on someone else for a set-back they experience.

I use to have a neighbor, in a few words I will describe him… he is in his mid-thirties, has a bad leg which he got following one of his bad choices in life while in school as a member of a cult group.

He had a misunderstanding with a rivalry cult member because of his pride and arrogance and his leg was broken, he was lucky not to have had his life taken.

Ever since he got disfigured following the broken leg, he has disliked everyone that looks better than him, especially anyone who lived close to him that seems to be doing better that he is. At every given opportunity he makes sure he vexed his anger on such persons even when the person is not aware of what the problem is.

He oppressed every girl he managed to date, treating them very badly because he felt inferior. Most of the girls he dated, dated him out of pity and because he talked a lot and boosted his own ego, so most people did not get to know him well, until they have been in close contact with him, and the bubble bursts.

Because of this odd lifestyle of his, he wanted to be above where he should, he placed himself where he wasn’t and couldn’t meet up. He pried into everything around, trying to know about everyone.

He eventually married someone older than himself and even much bigger in size than he is. I remember my sister once saying, the wife could beat him, if they should go into physical fighting.

When I first met him, was when he newly packed into the house where I live. He had no job, and desperately married the woman; she had money and sponsored the entire wedding and two years house rent, while he comes out to announce how he had done those things.

His true behavior started showing up after about a year when he got a job with a printing press. All the bad manners which had hidden evolved and he flaunted himself at people, oppressing his neighbors and anyone with police, using the little money he manages to get off his job to sponsor negative behaviors. However he never won any case that I am aware of, he ends up being humiliated but never learned from each mistake.

When he eventually bought a car, he turned his neighbors into gate men and when the gate is not opened or shut for him, he left it opened.

For every bad mannered people, they always have their fall time that is if they actually don’t fall every day. Soon, his car started developing series of troubles; he began to have problems at his place of work and a serious marital problem.

When his wife bought another car and sold the old one she was using, he schemed all he could to ensure that she left the new car for him. This led to series of family crisis to the extent of their separation.

Even as this was happening, he kept on putting his frustration on the neighbors; he would do things to hurt people around him every time he had a brawl with the wife.

If you don’t know him like I do, you would wonder why he picked on you.

Proud and selfish people are actually helpless than you can imagine, their joy is in seeing others sad. They see no reason why you should be happy or living life in fullest when, they are not. So they do all they can to ensure that you sail in the same ship with them.

What you should do with such people who are frustrated and proud and selfish is to ignore them, make them feel like they don’t exist. Ignore all their strategies to bring you down, always look for a way to be above them without sailing on the same ship with them.

Sailing on the same ship with such people is standing a risk of sinking with them.

There is this story about a man named Jonah in the ancient city of Ninevah who was sent by his Creator to deliver a message for the people living in Nineveh. He refused to deliver the message and boarded a ship going east with innocent people who didn’t know of his offense nor sins.

Soon, a great storm attacked the sea and when the sailors consulted, they discovered there was someone on the ship that has opened them all to an unknown attack, if he was not thrown out, the ship would capsize and they would all perish.

And Jonah was leapt out and thrown out of the ship into the sea, and immediately the storm calmed down.

Don’t sail on the same ship with an enemy; you may get destroyed with him. Don’t contest anything with an enemy, throw him away and remain safe, if you struggle with him, you may get caught in the trouble and even if he gets punished, you too might be, so it is therefore safe to ignore him.

Don’t do what your enemy is doing, don’t use the same strategy as your enemy’s, don’t retaliate in his own manner, strategize your own.

Most of the time your best weapon is to ignore him. Remember an ancient Ethiopian Proverb: “When the great lord passes, the wise peasant bows deeply and silently farts”.

That’s the way to handle a foolish and proud person. Pretend as if they don’t exist, don’t allow them affect your emotions. Leave them to their schemes, one day; they will plot their own fall with their own hands. Perhaps when they are still climbing on the roof to lock up the tank, they will slip down and the leg that was broken before will be amputated.

Remember its only weak people who never give way when they ought to.

Be focused on only one thing- your dreams, your goals, your mission and nobody’s worth distracting you.

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